Jeff Foxworthy Reinvented

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  • Published April 9th, 2009
Remember all of those “you might be a Redneck if…” jokes, circa late 1990s? Like, you might be a redneck if your house collapses and kills more than 3 dogs. You’ve been married 3 times and still have the same in-laws, etc. I was thinking the other day–what if Mr. Foxworthy became a triathlete and based his comedic routine not on the habits of those from the back country areas south of the Mason Dixon line, but on the habits of type A triathletes. You know, “you might be a tri-geek if. . .” A smaller target audience, perhaps, but I’m sure there would be no shortage of material.
For example, you might be a tri-geek if you’ve ever downloaded powertap files at a dinner party:
Heather G, Brent M, and Linsey C taking a brief break from their power tap downloading to smile for the camera
You think that compression socks or an aero bike helmet are part of normal daily attire

Ben @ the St. Croix Airport

You’re either swimming, biking, or running (or holding running shoes. . .) in your Facebook profile picture.

Have no idea when your friend’s birthday is, but you can list their run splits from their last 3 races. (Tom). . .

You get the drift, and I’m sure could think of a few of your own. Yesterday I woke up and discovered that, to my dismay, I had slept with my HR monitor on. Pretty sure that qualifies me for one of the highest levels of tri geek-dom (a fact which I embrace, thank you very much) But, seriously, who does that?? Normally, that would never happen because I would actually shower post workout, but on this particular day I had to can my afternoon run about 10′ in–which every Ironman athlete knows is far too short a run to require a shower–because of some achilles pain. And since I discovered sometime ago that the K-Swiss workout tanks can double as pj’s, it seemed perfectly fine to just sleep in those same clothes. . .HR monitor and all. Oops.

After some intensive A.R.T (active release therapy. think really, really deep and specific massage, but WAY more painful. actually, more like torture than massage) with Dan Selstead, I think the achilles is going to be ok soon. Dan, aka “dan the man”, is pretty much on every San Diego athelete’s emergency speed dial for the very good reason that he can fix pretty much any soft tissue injury quickly, so I have faith. In the meantime, maybe I’ll use the extra time for organizing my Clif shots according to sodium content. Or weighing my carbon fiber bike.

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